Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
