Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
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