i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
