burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
then he tried to convert me to islam
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
