Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Randomize
