Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
