bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Randomize
