there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
