Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
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