i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize
