i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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