You're my little dorito
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
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