I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
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