super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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