Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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