You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
