Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
