If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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