After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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