But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
i was born a porn star she said
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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