I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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