the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
