I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
