she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
