I'm laying in your front yard are you home
East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
