i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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