this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
