I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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