my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Randomize
