wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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