I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize
