So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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