Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
Randomize
