My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
