I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
