I molested 6 butterflies tonight
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Randomize
