I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
