there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Randomize
