I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Dicks are not precious.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
