just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
