I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
