Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
