You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
