My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
