can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
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