She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
