Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
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