Already got asked if we're dating
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
They are going to name an STD after you.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Randomize
