Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
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