cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
