Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
