What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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