My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
