I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Randomize
