Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
