you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
